I pray that I never lose that burn, the ache in my heart to go. I know this ache isn't manufactured because it is not consistent with what I would normally want. That is to say, I have always wished to live in the same place forever and have very little adventure. I know from experience that missions is nothing like that. It’s moving to a new place all the time, its falling in love with people and places and saying goodbye. But there are sooo many people who have NEVER heard about Jesus. I mean in the States you would have to look long and hard to find anyone I don't know if I could find anyone who had NEVER heard. But there are entire people groups who have never heard. I very much want to be a part in bringing them the good news of the gospel. I only wish I could go sooner!
I am committing myself to pray for missionaries so that I will still be involved. I have been so challenged lately about how much I pray for missions. Perhaps I feel like I'm on the outs and thus I don't try as hard. I really can't say, but I know God is put it on my heart to really fall on my face and pray for those people that are out there now on the field, and for the people they are trying to reach. Everyone can do something, and everyone can do it now. I really believe that. Now you can't go to the field right away, if I could I'd be there. My dear beloved Otis Goodwin used to say it this way "not everyone is called to go, but everyone should struggle with the idea that they might be called to go." We were all given the same commission, let’s get it going people this is exciting!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
why healingrose???
I thought I should address the reason that I have this weird name "healingrose".
The story starts way, way long ago. I was just little thing attending a funeral for the first time, my grandfather had passed away. The only thing I remember really about the whole day was the rose I held in my tiny hand, Momma instructed me to toss it on the coffin, which I did. That image of the rose on the glossy wood stuck with me for a very long time. In my mind I always thought of roses as a death flower. Something sad. I hated them actually for the very longest time. People always thought I was so odd to hate such a gorgeous flower. But they were just sad in my mind.
Years later, I attended a Woman's conference at a church in Alaska. One of the speakers was talking about how we miss identify ourselves in Christ because of how we have seen things on earth, tainted by sin. We expect that God's love really has a condition on it, even though we know it doesn't. We think of ourselves in the light of our failures and shortcomings. Sometimes we miss name ourselves. That is to say we all have this thing that we say yeah that's me. Mine has always been Eeyore. I'm the mopey one always finding something to be depressed about. The speaker posed to us all that God has a name for each and everyone of us, and it is likely the opposite of how you see yourself. Something that Satan has been lying to you about for so long that you just believed it. She asked us to all pray that God would reveal what His name for us was. I struggled to figure out what it could be, thinking hard, and then I just genuinely asked Jesus to show me, promising that I would not try to push it away in disbelief. That very same moment The most vivid picture came to rest in front of my minds eye. The picture I saw was a rose, a beautiful rose. I began to cry as a went back in my head to remember how I had always seen roses as sad flowers. But suddenly I was seeing them as Christ, just so beautiful. I'm a rose in the eyes of my savior, precious and beautiful. Most of the time that isn't how I feel so He takes me back and reminds me that he doesn't make junk, and He made me the way I am special just how he wants me. The problem is I've allowed things in my life, to make me less than perfect. Well that comes from sin nature too, we all come short. So I'm not just a rose, I'm a rose trampled, droopy, maybe a little torn. I have to get back to the beauty that I am supposed to have in Christ, thus I am a healing rose.
The story starts way, way long ago. I was just little thing attending a funeral for the first time, my grandfather had passed away. The only thing I remember really about the whole day was the rose I held in my tiny hand, Momma instructed me to toss it on the coffin, which I did. That image of the rose on the glossy wood stuck with me for a very long time. In my mind I always thought of roses as a death flower. Something sad. I hated them actually for the very longest time. People always thought I was so odd to hate such a gorgeous flower. But they were just sad in my mind.
Years later, I attended a Woman's conference at a church in Alaska. One of the speakers was talking about how we miss identify ourselves in Christ because of how we have seen things on earth, tainted by sin. We expect that God's love really has a condition on it, even though we know it doesn't. We think of ourselves in the light of our failures and shortcomings. Sometimes we miss name ourselves. That is to say we all have this thing that we say yeah that's me. Mine has always been Eeyore. I'm the mopey one always finding something to be depressed about. The speaker posed to us all that God has a name for each and everyone of us, and it is likely the opposite of how you see yourself. Something that Satan has been lying to you about for so long that you just believed it. She asked us to all pray that God would reveal what His name for us was. I struggled to figure out what it could be, thinking hard, and then I just genuinely asked Jesus to show me, promising that I would not try to push it away in disbelief. That very same moment The most vivid picture came to rest in front of my minds eye. The picture I saw was a rose, a beautiful rose. I began to cry as a went back in my head to remember how I had always seen roses as sad flowers. But suddenly I was seeing them as Christ, just so beautiful. I'm a rose in the eyes of my savior, precious and beautiful. Most of the time that isn't how I feel so He takes me back and reminds me that he doesn't make junk, and He made me the way I am special just how he wants me. The problem is I've allowed things in my life, to make me less than perfect. Well that comes from sin nature too, we all come short. So I'm not just a rose, I'm a rose trampled, droopy, maybe a little torn. I have to get back to the beauty that I am supposed to have in Christ, thus I am a healing rose.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
work, or service???
The Bible is an amazing book just as a book, then you add that it is God's word to mankind and to the individual heart. It speaks fresh with each time you read it. I laugh sometimes when I find myself thinking of some kind of "deep magic" like in the Chronicles of Narnia, as if that explains how it all works. Of course magic is not involved, but the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit teaches us. I absolutely love it when I have one of those moments when a verse I've read a hundred times suddenly comes to life in a new way to powerfully change my heart.
Ephesians is one of those books that teaches you how to live. I've been slowly making my way through it for I think possibly the 5th time in the last 6 months or so. I keep coming back to it for some reason. I like to read a few verses at a time and really try to meditate on those. I'll admit I'm not always good at the meditation, there are days when I just go through the motions of reading and don't even remember what I've read. Tonight, I read Ephesians 6:5-9 and was challenged unexpectedly. Sometimes we get prideful without really knowing it. I believe, I know I am a hard worker, I am respectful, I don't cheat my employers, it would seem to me that I am a good employee. That all maybe true, but when I read verse 5 I did a double take, "Servants, be obedient to them that are your master according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart as unto Christ." that "as unto Christ" really got me. I know I don't give that kind of reverence to my boss, I think she is overbearing and I get annoyed with her a lot. I have to look at her in a new light. Yes she may have her issues, but God put her in authority over me, maybe I forgot that. I need to be really serious about showing that I am really truly earnest about doing as she says. I should pray for her instead of judge her lifestyle.
Bottom line, if I want to serve Christ well in my workplace, I have to serve my boss well.
Ephesians is one of those books that teaches you how to live. I've been slowly making my way through it for I think possibly the 5th time in the last 6 months or so. I keep coming back to it for some reason. I like to read a few verses at a time and really try to meditate on those. I'll admit I'm not always good at the meditation, there are days when I just go through the motions of reading and don't even remember what I've read. Tonight, I read Ephesians 6:5-9 and was challenged unexpectedly. Sometimes we get prideful without really knowing it. I believe, I know I am a hard worker, I am respectful, I don't cheat my employers, it would seem to me that I am a good employee. That all maybe true, but when I read verse 5 I did a double take, "Servants, be obedient to them that are your master according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart as unto Christ." that "as unto Christ" really got me. I know I don't give that kind of reverence to my boss, I think she is overbearing and I get annoyed with her a lot. I have to look at her in a new light. Yes she may have her issues, but God put her in authority over me, maybe I forgot that. I need to be really serious about showing that I am really truly earnest about doing as she says. I should pray for her instead of judge her lifestyle.
Bottom line, if I want to serve Christ well in my workplace, I have to serve my boss well.
Friday, September 11, 2009
heart twinges...
There is that feeling of excitement that comes when one is about to accomplish a long time goal. That great joy, like graduation. You get ready for the day look forward to that moment when you toss that dreadful hat in the air! With all the excitement propelling you forward there is hardly a moment to think until the moment comes, and suddenly like a train a hundred doubts, fears and sadness hit you. You see your parents tear filled eyes, you look at your bestest buddies with the realization that after this moment, it all changes. Suddenly you have a paradox of emotions, on the one hand you made it! on the other, you have to leave what is familiar to you. Perhaps that is only me that had that experience I hate to be presumptuous lol
But here I am after having faced all of that once, left for college did that whole song and dance, now I'm back at that moment again. I look at my finally obtaining that foot back into the door of school and I'm so excited to get back there...but I had that moment today as I watched my mother hobble around in that terrible pain I know I can't really imagine. the real clincher was when she called me into her room to help her undress because she hurt too bad to do it herself.
My thoughts are of course, how can I leave my family when I see how much they need me? I know it is what is best and there is always going to be something...but it doesn't change the feeling that I'm leaving them when they really need me. Of course they will get by, I have younger sisters who I'm sure will step up when I'm not there. I suppose it is just the nature of growing up, following my own personal calls, it will only get harder the older I get I think. After all I'm just waiting for the chance to head to some far off land...I think I'm seeing the heartache it will be in the future to say goodbye and not be there to keep an eye on everyone.
I have to put them in the all mighty hands of God, why that would be hard I don't know. After all He can do infinitely better than I can of taking care of them !
Lord increase my faith!
But here I am after having faced all of that once, left for college did that whole song and dance, now I'm back at that moment again. I look at my finally obtaining that foot back into the door of school and I'm so excited to get back there...but I had that moment today as I watched my mother hobble around in that terrible pain I know I can't really imagine. the real clincher was when she called me into her room to help her undress because she hurt too bad to do it herself.
My thoughts are of course, how can I leave my family when I see how much they need me? I know it is what is best and there is always going to be something...but it doesn't change the feeling that I'm leaving them when they really need me. Of course they will get by, I have younger sisters who I'm sure will step up when I'm not there. I suppose it is just the nature of growing up, following my own personal calls, it will only get harder the older I get I think. After all I'm just waiting for the chance to head to some far off land...I think I'm seeing the heartache it will be in the future to say goodbye and not be there to keep an eye on everyone.
I have to put them in the all mighty hands of God, why that would be hard I don't know. After all He can do infinitely better than I can of taking care of them !
Lord increase my faith!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
waiting
This is not what I want to be saying, maybe that is enough of a reason in itself to say it. The fact of the matter is I'm not well...I pretend to be well but I'm not, not all the way. I'm coming out of a relationship that lasted almost 10 months. The whole thing ended terribly and I've been left in a heap. Unfortunately I have caused even more trouble by allowing a friendship I had to get too close to becoming another relationship. Fortunately for me My parents stepped in and did what I couldn't. They see my frail state and are protecting me. That's what they are for isn't it!
I need some time to heal, and time to draw closer to Jesus. I've learned through all of this so much and I'm thankful. It is indeed true that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord.
I'm praying I'll be able to guard my heart and that the only one I give it to again is the man that Jesus has waiting for me. No one loves me like Jesus! He is the romancer of my soul and more than all I need. I'll wait with him, and follow his plan.
Even with all that, I am rejoicing! I've run into so very many problems with my schooling this last year I've imagined giving up. But I keep pushing forward, and things are finally looking up! I'll hopefully be returning to campus in the spring, so I'll be back taking biology!!!
I have to be careful I don't think too hard on next semester though, this one is going to be challenging enough. Working full time and being a full time student is never easy but I'll pray my way through it. :)
I need some time to heal, and time to draw closer to Jesus. I've learned through all of this so much and I'm thankful. It is indeed true that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord.
I'm praying I'll be able to guard my heart and that the only one I give it to again is the man that Jesus has waiting for me. No one loves me like Jesus! He is the romancer of my soul and more than all I need. I'll wait with him, and follow his plan.
Even with all that, I am rejoicing! I've run into so very many problems with my schooling this last year I've imagined giving up. But I keep pushing forward, and things are finally looking up! I'll hopefully be returning to campus in the spring, so I'll be back taking biology!!!
I have to be careful I don't think too hard on next semester though, this one is going to be challenging enough. Working full time and being a full time student is never easy but I'll pray my way through it. :)
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