I am so tired and so busy I should really not be writing this at all. Somehow I have allowed myself to become ill during this most stressful of weeks making it all the more stressful. Tomorrow is where the rubber meets the road, I have an important exam (as if there is such a thing as an unimportant exam), as well as 2 quizzes and to top it all off I will be on edge all day waiting to hear the results of my dear friends biopsy.
I hate the idea of finding out the news the thought of a time frame for how long he will live. I know that for him heaven is good, however, I love him so and he is so much like family to me I don't want to let him go.
It will all be over, but unlike most the idea of it being over gives me little relief. If it is over but I failed well then I still failed. I need to let it all go and give it to the one in control, I'm so dreadfully bad at holding on to the stressors in my life, but I would much rather give this to Jesus.
And so my Love...here it is all of the baggage and terror that I hold in my tinny hands I haven't the strength to keep it on my own...
Love,
Rose
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
stand
Today has been a day that I did not exactly enjoy which is why it is so puzzling that I do not wish to go to bed and end it. Non the less I sit here at the wee hours of the mourning with an early class looming in my future and too much on my mind to let it rest.
Yesterday afternoon, my dad gave me the news that a dear friend of mine has cancer, and that it is severe. Every word I get from home is a bad one as far as he is concerned. Today the weight has just been so terribly heavy. I spoke with my Mother on the phone and she could not begin to hide how badly she was doing physically.
I imagine an appropriate description of my emotional state would be the sweater that has been snagged on something and a single thread is continuously being pulled, eventually but gradually the sweater completely unravels...I just pray no one is around when that happens.
A verse my Dad likes to quote cam to my mind through out this day of frustrations,
Ephesians 6:3
"Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand."
Yesterday afternoon, my dad gave me the news that a dear friend of mine has cancer, and that it is severe. Every word I get from home is a bad one as far as he is concerned. Today the weight has just been so terribly heavy. I spoke with my Mother on the phone and she could not begin to hide how badly she was doing physically.
I imagine an appropriate description of my emotional state would be the sweater that has been snagged on something and a single thread is continuously being pulled, eventually but gradually the sweater completely unravels...I just pray no one is around when that happens.
A verse my Dad likes to quote cam to my mind through out this day of frustrations,
Ephesians 6:3
"Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand."
Saturday, January 9, 2010
the one with little faith...
I feel rather sheepish to be writing so much about all the things I have never quit gotten a hold of in the Bible. It seems to me now that it is painfully obvious! I have read the Gospels more times than I can remember, but in my recent readings in Matthew I am continually finding that I have missed so many things.
Growing up I used to wonder about the disciples. I thought 'how could they have missed it?' But then I would think that often times Jesus spoke in stories that always had me confused and it was likely the same for the disciples. But Jesus didn't only use stores. He repeatedly told the disciples that he was going to die and rise again.
haha I find that so hilarious! He said it as plane as day. And yet none of them expected him to be resurrected. Thomas refused to believe it until he had proof. I am temped to think poorly of those disciples and their 'little faith.' But then I wonder, just how many things has Jesus told me and I, for whatever reason, missed it. Not because he neglected to make himself clear, but because I neglected to make myself faithful.
I am the one with little faith. Imagine all the good night's of sleep I might have had if I just held on to my faith instead of my fear.
Growing up I used to wonder about the disciples. I thought 'how could they have missed it?' But then I would think that often times Jesus spoke in stories that always had me confused and it was likely the same for the disciples. But Jesus didn't only use stores. He repeatedly told the disciples that he was going to die and rise again.
haha I find that so hilarious! He said it as plane as day. And yet none of them expected him to be resurrected. Thomas refused to believe it until he had proof. I am temped to think poorly of those disciples and their 'little faith.' But then I wonder, just how many things has Jesus told me and I, for whatever reason, missed it. Not because he neglected to make himself clear, but because I neglected to make myself faithful.
I am the one with little faith. Imagine all the good night's of sleep I might have had if I just held on to my faith instead of my fear.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Wonderful Savior
It is well known among my friends and family that I am rather sight impaired. Friends have confessed to purposefully leading me into various objects as a child and there is always a clever joke whenever I should say that I didn't see something. Even with the knowledge of my poor optical senses I was surprised to see something I most definitely missed.
In Matthew 20 there is a parable about a Lord who hires men to work in his vineyards. the parable shows that the lord hired many men at various times of the day and then paid them the same even though they worked, some less than others. Somehow the meaning of the parable had always eluded me. I suppose I never thought much about it. I'm sure that Ive heard it preached and I've read it countless times. but somehow the power of that parable came to life to me today.
Jesus is waiting to reward everyone equally no matter when they come to him. How good he is! perhaps I missed it because I am not good, and there is no one who is. So often I try to make the heavenly things of Jesus to be equal or parallel to those of this world.
Perhaps the verse that truly brings this passage out in my mind is 15
"is it not lawful for me to do what I will with mine own? Is thine eye evil, because I am good?"
I am so glad the my God is good. He is not like any human even one who seems noble. He will never fail me, though I fail Him daily. He loves me with His life and His might!
'all the chisels I've dulled carving idols of stone that have crumbled like sand 'neath the waves. I have recklessly built all my dreams in the sand, just to watch them all wash away...through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile to one who sees past all I see! And reaching out my weary hand I pray that you'll understand, your the only one who's faithful to me...'
In Matthew 20 there is a parable about a Lord who hires men to work in his vineyards. the parable shows that the lord hired many men at various times of the day and then paid them the same even though they worked, some less than others. Somehow the meaning of the parable had always eluded me. I suppose I never thought much about it. I'm sure that Ive heard it preached and I've read it countless times. but somehow the power of that parable came to life to me today.
Jesus is waiting to reward everyone equally no matter when they come to him. How good he is! perhaps I missed it because I am not good, and there is no one who is. So often I try to make the heavenly things of Jesus to be equal or parallel to those of this world.
Perhaps the verse that truly brings this passage out in my mind is 15
"is it not lawful for me to do what I will with mine own? Is thine eye evil, because I am good?"
I am so glad the my God is good. He is not like any human even one who seems noble. He will never fail me, though I fail Him daily. He loves me with His life and His might!
'all the chisels I've dulled carving idols of stone that have crumbled like sand 'neath the waves. I have recklessly built all my dreams in the sand, just to watch them all wash away...through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile to one who sees past all I see! And reaching out my weary hand I pray that you'll understand, your the only one who's faithful to me...'
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
